This is the most surreal thing I've ever experienced

[SeanCallan]

I saw this girl on campus and chatted with her a bit and her name completely escaped me. So later I decided to call my buddy Chris, who happened to be my roommate from freshman year and now my best friend.

When I call Chris, I get his roommate who tells me at 10am May 17th Chris crashed his four wheeler and died on impact. Initially I KNEW it was a prank and I laughed it off and did some searching. At 11 everything I knew crashed down around me and the reality set in, I lost my best friend. This kid's profession was riding dirt bikes and such, he was the last one I expected this to happen to...

It still really hasn't set in, one minute I know it's real and theres little I can do to stop the pain and the next I want to call him and hear him and know it's a bad joke.

This is the first person I've ever known to pass away and to be frank I'm not ready to accept that yet. No matter how hard I try to tell myself it's reality, I convince myself it was a dream.

Not real sure how I should deal with this all. I guess at the funeral or next year when he is supposed to be my roommate again, it'll all finally start to sink in...I guess if I just pay attention to school and friends I can kind of keep it off my mind.

It's funny how in such a terrible time we can actually find a bit of happiness, some light in what feels like a world of darkness. My ex came to spend the evening with me to make sure I was ok and this whole thing helped mend the ties between us. We spent the night chatting about all the funny and stupid things Chris used to say and do. I guess that's the best way to remember someone. I'm still bothered by something though, during finals week, 2 weeks ago, Chris knew I was stressed and invited me to go riding with him to kind of relax and I never made time for him. He even called me last week to make sure I had gotten home safely and see how I was and you know what? I didn't want to talk on the phone so I cut him off with some total BS excuse...that was the last time I talked to him.

I don't expect anyone to say anything to make everything magically make sense or feel better. I just need to say what I need to say.

RIP #38

[GTR]

Sean,
Not much anyone can say to help. In time you will remember the good times and laugh off the bad. You say it's the first death of a person close to you, but trust me they don't get any easier.
Don't beat yourself up over the phone call you cut short, you can't change that now and your true feelings for your friend are very clear to everyone for sure.
Spend time if you can and share some of the good times with his family and other friends. This suffering everyone is going through is beyond what I can personally imagine. Friends always laugh together but need not cry alone.

SteveU

[tonkadawg]

my deepest condolences go out to you and to Chris' family Sean.

[VegasMike]

It's always tough, especially for the first few months or times that things will remind you of that person. Life is unpredictable and so is death.

I knew a couple of people in High School that took the latter into their own hands and you have to wonder why and was it really that bad. Accidents like Chris' are even harder. You just have to remember that at least he was doing something he loved.

I was an officer at ValuJet Airlines when we had our crash and that was hard enough. I knew the crew pretty well as the pilots were some of our first hires. I did not know any of the passengers, but a few of their pictures are burned into my memmory, even after 11 years, almost exactly 11 years.

One of my fraternity brothers died of a brain annurism while on a ski trip and you always ask why. There is no answer. Just remember the good times and memmories. That's all you can do. You have already made a good start by just discussing this with others.

[moonpod]

Ah, well, the first up close and personal death is something you need to examine and come to grips with. Unfortunately, death IS part of life. You will encounter it again and again. When I was in college one of my teammates on the lacrosse team died in a fraternity house fire. It was a horrible, horrible experience.

You are right, nothing will make it feel "better", but you will learn to move on, and be ready for the next time.

[gqjeff]

Sean, very very sorry to hear this.. I was in a bad car accident myself when I was 19 and my buddy driving the car passed away.. He was only 18... I was REALLY torn up and still think about Eddie daily. I still feel uncomfortable around his family and I see them often.. I feel that way because he was killed and I walked away. I feel quilty for some reason. I would def have to say I had a guardian angel over me that night.. Hit a culvert going 120mph and flipped 9 times end over end 450 feet total. I was ejected along with Eddie but the car rolled over him. I had my seat belt on also but the impact was so sever my seat actually broke away from the car. I just remember laying in a bean field and having a trucker and his wife come up to the accident. It was crazy to say the least. The only thing I remember after that was the helicopter coming in to take me away. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND how you feel and its a terrible feeling. I agree with Steve you must rememeber the good times and share those thoughts with family and firends. All people greive there own way. This was your first loss to death but the older you get the more you will have to deal with them. They are never easy. Again I AM VERY sorry to hear this and my prayers are with his family and friends. Do not beat yourself up over it, he is in good hands now.

Jeff

[SeanCallan]

His father called me today to let me know that though Chris never told me, he was so looking forward to us living together next year. I couldn't hold back anymore after I heard that.

Apparently he was thrown from his 4 wheeler and hit a tree. The impact broken his helmet in half and both his legs and he suffered serious head trauma, however what really killed him was the 4 wheeler crushing his chest. I can't but think it must have been his time, he was in his full riding gear and has suffered much worse with much less on.

I appreciate everything you guys have said. This is such a confusing situation, I can't help be sad and then suddenly frustrated and in complete disbelief.

[shaggy]

Wow, that's tough. It never gets any easier, but it might never hit you so hard. Take care of yourself in the meantime.

We spent the night chatting about all the funny and stupid things Chris used to say and do. I guess that's the best way to remember someone.

You got a lot of positive from your friendship, something you will hold onto forever. It's painful, but that's a treasure.

Don't beat yourself up about a phone call. It is as insignificant as you thought at the time ... don't let the timing make you think otherwise. In the total of your friendship, I don't think it counts.

I'm sorry for the loss, it's really not fair.